Some days are a challenge from the beginning

My memoir has taken a very depressing turn. Jennifer Sey, the main character, has become fascinated in eating disorders. She is only ten at the time and already gymnastics has become a dreaded part of her life; while she still loves it she is terrified of disappointing her coaches and parents. The fear is getting to her mentally and physically. She bites her lip until it becomes a huge canker sore, and then she continues to bite it every time she is scared or nervous for a skill. "The fear never abates. It is constant, relieved only in the instant I have landed on my feet. It surges again and again and again. Agitation and fright is my perpetual state of existence. But I ignore it as I climb back up onto the beam..." (70) Sey fights a constant battle of fear, not just of the obvious danger but also the fear of disappointment and failure. 

Sey's description between good days and off days is flawless. "On a good day, when injuries didn't rankle, being in the gym was like flying. I felt invincible, not held back by the typically assumed constraints of the body. The flying wasn't what most people would imagine. It was never the flipping-through-the-air part. It was the being on the ground but feeling weightless and suspended" (99) On good days gymnastics is great. Everything seems to come easily; swinging and landing just seem so natural. But on bad days even the simplest of skills take everything out of you. "...on these days, even my skin pained me... A bad day at the gym for a gymnast was never like a bad day in the pool for a swimmer. My times wouldn't just be slower. I knew the danger was real. It was possible that I would land on my head, break my neck. I could, conceivably, die"(100) I don't know this to the extent that she does obviously but I know how the fear amplifies exponentially on the not so good days. The easiest of skills always seem to be a mystery on those days; never knowing where you're going to land because every turn feels different.